It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
