I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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