hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
