i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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