We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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