Your dad touched me again.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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