Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
