It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
