Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
