The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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