I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
