neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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