Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
