Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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