I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
