There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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