the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
