Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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