i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
