how can u be prego again
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
