How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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