if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
