They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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