So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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