You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
