Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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