Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize