the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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