is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
