he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
