From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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