I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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