She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
PANTIES FOUND
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