so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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