You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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