there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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