Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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