i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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