Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
