bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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