i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
