I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
