Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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