Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
