Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
