she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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