what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
