Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
