sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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