Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
