I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize