she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
