You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
