I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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