Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
time to smoke my breakfast
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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