Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
