I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
