Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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