saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
